Updated: Mar 27, 2020
How do I help my family? How do I take them along with me as I develop spiritually, as I progress on my own path?
This is a very common question that I get from a lot of clients and students. Of course, once any of us get into healing and spirituality, we take some classes, we do some workshops, we get really excited. We are really motivated. And we kind of want to help the world.
We almost want everybody to do exactly what we’re doing because it’s working so well for us. And you know, that’s a beautiful thing. The excitement that we have, the passion that we have about all the self-discovery, the recognition of all the amazing experiences we’re having—that is something to be really be proud of.
But enthusiastic as we may be, we also need to learn how to respect other people’s free will. If you’re trying to tell people what to do all the time, it’s almost like you are trying to tell them in so many ways that you know better about their life than they do. You try to rule over them, or dominate them in an effort to change them or their life situation. And that’s actually your ego getting in the way.
So you want to keep your ego out of it. You want to actually respect their space. And you want to make sure that they are really ready to listen.
Because a lot of people don’t really want a solution. They just want someone to listen to them. This is why it is very important to respect another person’s free will. Some people want to take many many years before they heal themselves or resolve an issue. Some people want change right away.
You have to respect that because not everybody is traveling at the same pace, at the same rate or on the same path. We are all unique individuals travelling this journey of life at our own speed. And not everybody wants to go out there and change the world.
We all have our own calling. We all have our own understanding of what we’ve come here to do. We are all individuals with varying appetites for personal growth. So the one thing that I learned along my way is to have proper discernment.
Discernment is a very important quality. Discernment means having good judgement. It means that you know who to talk to, you know when to talk to them, and in what manner to communicate yourself in a way that will listen. So it’s about knowing when to speak, and when to maybe not speak.
I remember in the beginning a lot of people would talk to me about their problems and I would just want to tell them “Wake up! It’s just an illusion. Stop whining and complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. None of this is real.”
But that’s really not what they wanted to hear. And If I did say that, they would have probably looked at me strangely, without quite comprehending what I was saying. They might have even gotten angry at me for not being sympathetic and not understanding what they were going through. And so I have learned to stand down, because I don’t want to overstep and I don’t want to disrespect where they are in their life. They may want entirely different things in their life. Most people don’t even want to take responsibility for creating everything that is going wrong with their life.
However, if a client comes in to see me and they actually book a healing session - they come in a professional setting and they tell me about their problems - then of course I’m going to coach them and help them in my best capacity as a healer.
Friends just want you to be there and listen. And family? Well, family is a whole different ballgame. Your family will always feel like you’re judging them unless you don’t judge them at all. Which really happens when you get to the point of being able to accept them completely. You would have to learn to be very objective and very neutral, being able to manage any triggers that may come up in your interactions with them.
Many times the way in which you communicate to family may not be received the same way you intended it. Most of the time, they might misunderstand you and this could actually lead to confrontation or maybe conflict in the relationship. So, the best way to actually help your family and your friends is to lead by example.
So what does leading by example mean? Well, I’ll quote Gandhi here: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” If you want to inspire other people then be that version that is inspiring to others.
It means showing people where you were and where you are now. There is nothing more compelling than a before and after photo. People will notice that new and improved version of you even as you are a work in progress. So you want to be the best version of yourself every step of the way, which is what will lead others to look at you and wonder what is it that you are doing, because it is definitely working!
Be the example that is smiling, perpetually happy and living your life with so much joy that people say “ Woah! This person really has that something that I want. This person has that je na sais quoi that I wish I had.’ And that’s what actually brings them towards you to want to learn from you.
So you will need to learn respect, discernment, and patience. Patience with other people is important because not everybody can understand yet what you have learned. They need to get there. It took you a while to actually get to the point you’re at and as much as you want to help everybody else to get there, you have to respect their journey.