How to Grow Without the Guilt of Leaving Your Loved Ones Behind


How do I help my family? How do I take them along with me as I develop spiritually,and progress on my own path?

This is a very common question that I get from a lot of clients and students. When we get on the path of healing and spirituality, we take some classes, we do some workshops, and we get excited. We are motivated. We want to help the world. 

In the excitement of all the empowerment we are feeling, we want everybody to do exactly what we’re doing because it’s working so well for us. And you know, that’s a beautiful thing. The excitement that we have, the passion that we have about the self-discovery, the recognition of all the personal growth we’re experiencing…that is something to be proud of. 

But enthusiastic as we may be, we also need to learn how to respect other people’s free will. If you’re trying to tell people what to do all the time, it’s almost like you are declaring that you know what is better for them than they do. Inevitably, you try to rule over them or dominate them to change them or their life situation. That’s your ego getting in the way. 

And you want to keep your ego in check. You want to respect their space. And you’ve got to make sure that they are ready to listen. Otherwise you will find yourself facing a backlash.

Because a lot of people don’t want a solution. They just want someone to listen to them. This is why it is very important to respect the other person’s free will.  Some people want to take many many years before they heal themselves or resolve an issue. Some people want change right away. 

You have to respect that because not everybody is traveling at the same pace, at the same rate, or on the same path. We are all unique individuals traveling this journey of life at our own speed. And not everybody wants to go out there and change the world. 

We all have our calling. We all have our understanding of what we’ve come here to do. We are all individuals with varying appetites for personal growth. So the one thing that I learned along the way is to have proper discernment.

Discernment is a very important quality. Discernment means having good judgment. It means that you know who to talk to, you know when to talk to them, and in what manner to communicate yourself in a way that they will listen. So it’s about knowing when to speak, and when to not speak.

In the early stages of my own journey, a lot of people would talk to me about their problems and I would just want to tell them “Wake up! It’s just an illusion. Stop whining and complaining and feeling sorry for yourself. None of this is real.”

But that’s not what they wanted to hear. And If I did say that, they would have probably looked at me strangely, without quite comprehending what I was saying. They might have even gotten angry at me for not being sympathetic and not understanding what they were going through. 

And so I have learned to stand down because I don’t want to overstep nor do I want to disrespect where they are in their life. They may want entirely different things in their life. Most people don’t want the responsibility of knowing that they are creating everything that is going wrong with their life.

However, if a client comes in to see me and books a healing session - they come to me in a professional setting and tell me about their problems - then of course I’m going to coach them and help them in my best capacity as a healer. 

Friends just want you to be there and listen. And family? Well, family is a whole different ballgame. Your family will always feel like you’re judging them unless you don’t judge them at all. 

Which only happens when you get to the point of being able to accept them completely. You would have to learn to be very objective and completely neutral, being able to manage any triggers that may come up in your interactions with them. 

Many times how you communicate with family may not be received the same way you intended it. Most of the time, they might misunderstand you and this could lead to confrontation or likely conflict in the relationship. Which is why you’re probably better off trying to help your family and friends simply by ‘leading by example.’

So what does leading by example mean? Well, I’ll  quote Gandhi here: “Be the change you want to see in the world.” If you want to inspire other people, then be that version that is inspiring to others. 

It means showing people where you were and where you are now. There is nothing more compelling than a before-and-after photo. People will notice the new and improved version of you even if you still consider yourself a work in progress. Which you always are. So you want to be the best version of yourself every step of the way, which is what will lead others to look at you and wonder what is it that you are doing, because it is working!

Be the example that is smiling, embracing your life, and brimming with confidence and joy that people can’t help but say “ Woah! This person has that something that I want. This person has that je na sais quoi  that I wish I had.’ 

And that’s what’ll bring them toward you to want to learn from you. They will ask for your guidance instead of you having to shove it down their throat. So much easier, right? 

You will need to learn respect, discernment, and patience if you want to help others. There is no side-stepping that. Patience with other people is particularly important because not everybody can understand what you already know. They need to get there. And that might take a little bit of time.  

It took you a while to get to the point you’re at, and as much as you want to help everybody else to get there, you have to respect their journey. Capiche?

Ready to support your family on their spiritual journey? Book a ThetaHealing session with me, and let's navigate this path of healing together. 

Respect their pace, lead by example, and be the change you wish to see. Patience, discernment, and respect are our guides on this transformative journey.

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